{"id":8821,"date":"2026-08-09T19:49:00","date_gmt":"2026-08-09T16:49:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/psikopolitikdergi.com\/?p=8821"},"modified":"2026-08-09T20:14:01","modified_gmt":"2026-08-09T17:14:01","slug":"ayni-yastikta-yaslanmak-afet-sonrasi-cift-iliskileri","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/psikopolitikdergi.com\/2026\/08\/09\/ayni-yastikta-yaslanmak-afet-sonrasi-cift-iliskileri","title":{"rendered":"Ayn\u0131 Yast\u0131kta Yas\u2019lanmak: Afet sonras\u0131 \u00e7ift ili\u015fkileri"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yazar: Uzm. Psk. Aylin G\u00fclery\u00fcz<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n

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\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Bir \u00e7iftin hik\u00e2yesi \u00e7o\u011fu zaman yaln\u0131zca iki ki\u015finin hik\u00e2yesi de\u011fildir. Bir evin, bir mahallenin, bir kentin, ortak al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131klar\u0131n ve birlikte kurulmu\u015f gelecek tasar\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n da hik\u00e2yesidir. Bu nedenle b\u00fcy\u00fck bir afet yaln\u0131zca insanlar\u0131n ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 mek\u00e2nlar\u0131 de\u011fil, ili\u015fkilerin \u00fczerine kuruldu\u011fu g\u00fcndelik hayat\u0131 da de\u011fi\u015ftirir. Bir sabah uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131zda yaln\u0131zca evinizin nerede oldu\u011funu de\u011fil, hayat\u0131n\u0131z\u0131n bundan sonra nas\u0131l devam edece\u011fini de bilemez h\u00e2le gelebilirsiniz. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sabah kahvesini i\u00e7ti\u011finiz mutfak, \u00e7ocu\u011funuzun odas\u0131, birlikte yap\u0131lan pazar al\u0131\u015fveri\u015fleri, ak\u015fam yemekleri, bayramlar, misafirlikler ve mahremiyetin al\u0131\u015f\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bi\u00e7imleri de\u011fi\u015fir. Peki b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar\u0131n ortas\u0131nda \u201cbiz\u201d ne olur? Ayn\u0131 kayb\u0131 ya\u015fayan iki insan ayn\u0131 \u015fekilde yas tutmaz. Ayn\u0131 korkuyu ya\u015fayan iki beden ayn\u0131 \u015fekilde tepki vermez. Y\u0131llarca ayn\u0131 yata\u011f\u0131 payla\u015fan iki insan, bir s\u00fcre sonra ayn\u0131 yak\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 payla\u015famayabilir. Ve bazen iki insan, b\u00fct\u00fcn hayatlar\u0131n\u0131 birbirine yaslanarak ge\u00e7irmi\u015fken, ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131 kay\u0131plar\u0131n ard\u0131ndan birbirlerine nas\u0131l yaslanacaklar\u0131n\u0131 yeniden \u00f6\u011frenmek zorunda kalabilir. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zor Bir \u015eey Oldu\u011funda \u201cBiz\u201d Ne Olur?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ev yaln\u0131zca duvarlardan olu\u015fmaz. Birlikte ya\u015fanan zamanlar\u0131n, al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131klar\u0131n, kokular\u0131n, e\u015fyalar\u0131n ve hat\u0131ralar\u0131n da ta\u015f\u0131y\u0131c\u0131s\u0131d\u0131r. \u00c7er\u00e7eve de\u011fi\u015fti\u011finde resim ayn\u0131 kalabilir mi? Belki kalabilir. Ama \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 de\u011fi\u015fir, renkleri de\u011fi\u015fir, birbirine olan mesafeleri de\u011fi\u015fir. \u00c7iftler i\u00e7in ev, ili\u015fkinin sessiz tan\u0131klar\u0131ndan biridir. Nerede uyundu\u011funu, nerede konu\u015fuldu\u011funu, nerede kavga edildi\u011fini, nerede bar\u0131\u015f\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilir. \u00c7ocuklar\u0131n ilk ad\u0131mlar\u0131na, hastal\u0131k gecelerine, bayram sofralar\u0131na ve birlikte ge\u00e7irilen s\u0131radan ak\u015famlara tan\u0131kl\u0131k eder. Bu nedenle bir evin kayb\u0131 yaln\u0131zca bir adresin kayb\u0131 de\u011fildir. Bazen insan, kendisini \u201cbiz\u201d yapan g\u00fcndelik hayat\u0131n da kayboldu\u011funu hisseder. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bazen kaybedilen, d\u00f6rt duvar\u0131n \u00f6tesinde bir \u015feydir: psikolojik ev. Ev, yaln\u0131zca i\u00e7inde ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z yer de\u011fil; kendimiz olabildi\u011fimiz yerdir. Kap\u0131y\u0131 kapatabildi\u011fimiz, yaln\u0131z kalabildi\u011fimiz, a\u011flayabildi\u011fimiz, \u00f6fkelenebildi\u011fimiz, sevdi\u011fimize dokunabildi\u011fimiz ve yeniden bir araya gelebildi\u011fimiz bir alan. Bu nedenle ge\u00e7ici bir ya\u015fam alan\u0131na ta\u015f\u0131nmak, yaln\u0131zca ba\u015fka bir yerde ya\u015famaya ba\u015flamak anlam\u0131na gelmez. Bazen insan, kendi hayat\u0131n\u0131n s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 yeniden \u00e7izmek zorunda kal\u0131r. \u00c7iftler i\u00e7in bunun ba\u015fka bir kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 daha vard\u0131r: Birlikte ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131 mek\u00e2n de\u011fi\u015fti\u011finde, birlikte olma bi\u00e7imleri de de\u011fi\u015fir. Belki de afet sonras\u0131 \u00e7ift ili\u015fkilerini anlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken sorulmas\u0131 gereken sorulardan biri \u015fudur: Evimizi kaybetti\u011fimizde, birbirimizin i\u00e7inde h\u00e2l\u00e2 bir ev bulabilir miyiz?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ayn\u0131 Ac\u0131y\u0131 Ya\u015famak, Ayn\u0131 Yas\u0131 Tutmak De\u011fildir <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n

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\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

\u200bToplumsal cinsiyet rejiminde erkek arzusu, tarihsel ve k\u00fclt\u00fcrel s\u00fcre\u00e7ler boyunca evrensel ve ko\u015fulsuz bir me\u015fruiyet z\u0131rh\u0131yla donat\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Buna kar\u015f\u0131n kad\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6znel kararlar\u0131, arzular\u0131 ve s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131 s\u0131kl\u0131kla erke\u011fin varolu\u015fsal ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131 ve kurdu\u011fu tahakk\u00fcm ili\u015fkileri do\u011frultusunda bast\u0131r\u0131lmakta ya da tamamen g\u00f6rmezden gelinmektedir (Langford, 1999). Sinematik anlat\u0131larda bu durum, kad\u0131n\u0131n kendi hik\u00e2yesinin eyleyen bir \u00f6znesi olmaktan \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131l\u0131p erke\u011fin arzu, fantezi ya da y\u0131k\u0131m nesnesine d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr\u00fclmesiyle tezah\u00fcr eder (Mulvey, 1975).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Birbirine Yaslanmak Her Zaman M\u00fcmk\u00fcn m\u00fcd\u00fcr?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Travma sonras\u0131nda g\u00fcven duygusu sars\u0131labilir. Bu g\u00fcven yaln\u0131zca bireysel olarak de\u011fil, ili\u015fkisel olarak da yeniden kurulabilir. \u00c7iftlerin stresle ba\u015f etme bi\u00e7imlerini inceleyen ara\u015ft\u0131rmalarda dyadic coping, yani \u00e7ift olarak ba\u015f etme, ili\u015fki doyumuyla anlaml\u0131 bi\u00e7imde ili\u015fkilendirilmi\u015ftir. 17 binden fazla kat\u0131l\u0131mc\u0131y\u0131 kapsayan bir meta-analiz, \u00e7iftlerin stresle birlikte ba\u015f etmesinin ili\u015fki doyumuyla g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir ili\u015fki i\u00e7inde oldu\u011funu g\u00f6stermi\u015ftir (Falconier et al., 2015). Buradaki mesele yaln\u0131zca \u201ce\u015fim yan\u0131mda\u201d de\u011fildir. As\u0131l mesele \u015fudur: \u201cYa\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u015feyi sana anlatabiliyorum ve sen onunla ba\u015f etmemi biraz daha m\u00fcmk\u00fcn h\u00e2le getiriyorsun.\u201d Bazen birlikte ba\u015f etmek konu\u015fmakt\u0131r. Bazen hi\u00e7bir \u015fey s\u00f6ylemeden ayn\u0131 odada oturmakt\u0131r. Bazen \u00e7ocukla ilgilenmektir. Bazen di\u011ferinin bir g\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc olmas\u0131na izin vermektir. Belki de \u201cyas\u2019lanmak\u201d tam burada ba\u015flar: Birbirinin yas\u0131n\u0131 almak de\u011fil, birbirinin yas\u0131na yer a\u00e7mak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yas\u0131n Bedendeki H\u00e2li<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yas yaln\u0131zca zihinde ya\u015fanmaz. Uyku bozulabilir, i\u015ftah de\u011fi\u015febilir, beden yorulabilir ve sinir sistemi uzun s\u00fcre alarm h\u00e2linde kalabilir. Dokunmak bazen iyi gelir, bazen dayan\u0131lmaz olabilir. Bu nedenle afet sonras\u0131nda bir insan\u0131n e\u015fine eskisi kadar sar\u0131lmak istememesi, konu\u015fmak istememesi ya da cinsel yak\u0131nl\u0131\u011fa ihtiya\u00e7 duymamas\u0131 her zaman \u201cart\u0131k sevmiyor\u201d anlam\u0131na gelmez. Bazen beden, yak\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 yeniden \u00f6\u011frenmek i\u00e7in zamana ihtiya\u00e7 duyar. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Travma sonras\u0131 psikolojik belirtilerin \u00e7ift ili\u015fkilerini ve evlilik doyumunu etkileyebildi\u011fini g\u00f6steren \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmalar da bulunmaktad\u0131r. \u00d6zellikle stresin \u00e7iftin ortak ebeveynlik ve ili\u015fki s\u00fcre\u00e7leri \u00fczerinden ili\u015fki doyumuna yans\u0131yabildi\u011fi g\u00f6r\u00fclmektedir. Bu nedenle afet sonras\u0131 ili\u015fkileri yaln\u0131zca bireysel travma \u00fczerinden de\u011fil, iki ki\u015finin birbirinin tepkilerine nas\u0131l kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k verdi\u011fi \u00fczerinden de d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek gerekir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arzu M\u00fcmk\u00fcn m\u00fc Hala? <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Afet sonras\u0131nda cinsellik hakk\u0131nda \u00e7ok az konu\u015fuyoruz. Oysa cinsellik yaln\u0131zca cinsel ili\u015fki de\u011fildir. Dokunabilmek, rahat\u00e7a uyuyabilmek, ba\u015f ba\u015fa kalabilmek, utanmadan yak\u0131nla\u015fabilmek, arzu edebilmek ve bedeni g\u00fcvende hissedebilmek de mahremiyetin par\u00e7alar\u0131d\u0131r. Ge\u00e7ici ya\u015fam alanlar\u0131nda mahremiyetin azalmas\u0131, kalabal\u0131k ya\u015fam, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n s\u00fcrekli yan\u0131nda olmas\u0131, ekonomik kayg\u0131lar, yorgunluk ve travma belirtileri cinsel ya\u015fam\u0131 etkileyebilir. \u00dcstelik cinsellik bazen yas\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda su\u00e7luluk da yaratabilir: \u201cBunca \u015fey ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015fken nas\u0131l arzu duyabilirim?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n

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Oysa yas ve ya\u015fam birbirinin kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131 de\u011fildir. \u0130nsan ayn\u0131 anda hem \u00f6zleyebilir hem g\u00fclebilir; hem a\u011flayabilir hem arzulayabilir. Kayb\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131yabilir ve ayn\u0131 zamanda bir ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131nda kendisini g\u00fcvende hissedebilir. Bu nedenle afet sonras\u0131 cinselli\u011fi yaln\u0131zca \u201cazald\u0131 m\u0131, artt\u0131 m\u0131?\u201d sorusuyla de\u011ferlendirmek yetersizdir. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Belki as\u0131l soru \u015fudur: Beden yeniden g\u00fcvenli bir yer gibi hissedilebiliyor mu? 2023 T\u00fcrkiye depremlerinin ard\u0131ndan \u00e7ift ili\u015fkilerini do\u011frudan inceleyen Bak\u0131r ve Do\u011fan\u2019\u0131n (2026) \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmas\u0131 da bu karma\u015f\u0131kl\u0131\u011fa i\u015faret etmektedir. Ara\u015ft\u0131rmac\u0131lar, takip eden 18 ayl\u0131k s\u00fcre\u00e7te cinsel sorunlar\u0131n yan\u0131 s\u0131ra \u00e7at\u0131\u015fma, sald\u0131rganl\u0131k ve ili\u015fki \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fclmelerinin g\u00f6r\u00fclebildi\u011fini; travma ve yas\u0131n yan\u0131nda d\u0131\u015f stres kaynaklar\u0131n\u0131n da bu s\u00fcre\u00e7lerde etkili oldu\u011funu belirtmektedir. Bununla birlikte baz\u0131 \u00e7iftlerde birlikte ba\u015f etme stratejileriyle ili\u015fkisel geli\u015fim de g\u00f6zlenmi\u015ftir. Bu bulgu \u00f6nemli. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc afet sonras\u0131 ili\u015fkinin hik\u00e2yesi yaln\u0131zca yak\u0131nla\u015fma ya da ayr\u0131lma de\u011fildir. Ayn\u0131 ili\u015fkinin i\u00e7inde yak\u0131nl\u0131k ve uzakl\u0131k, dayan\u0131\u015fma ve \u00e7at\u0131\u015fma, birbirine tutunma ve birbirinden ka\u00e7ma ayn\u0131 anda var olabilir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yakla\u015f\u0131rken Uzakla\u015fmak<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir \u00e7ift fiziksel olarak ayn\u0131 yerde bulunabilir ama birbirine duygusal olarak ula\u015famayabilir. Hatta bazen s\u00fcrekli yan yana olmak, birbirine yak\u0131n olmay\u0131 daha da zorla\u015ft\u0131rabilir. Ge\u00e7ici ya\u015fam alanlar\u0131nda mahremiyetin azalmas\u0131, \u00e7iftlerin yaln\u0131z kalabilecekleri, konu\u015fabilecekleri ya da yaln\u0131zca birbirleriyle temas edebilecekleri alanlar\u0131 daraltabilir. Ayn\u0131 odada \u00e7ocuklar, aile \u00fcyeleri ya da ba\u015fkalar\u0131 varken \u00e7iftin birbirine ait k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck alan\u0131 giderek k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclebilir. B\u00f6ylece fiziksel mesafe ortadan kalkarken, ili\u015fkisel mesafe b\u00fcy\u00fcyebilir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ayn\u0131 odada iki ayr\u0131 telefon. Ayn\u0131 yatakta iki ayr\u0131 sessizlik. Ayn\u0131 sofrada iki ayr\u0131 d\u00fcnya. Bazen insan\u0131n e\u015fine yak\u0131nla\u015fabilmesi i\u00e7in \u00f6nce ba\u015fkalar\u0131ndan uzakla\u015fabilece\u011fi bir yere ihtiyac\u0131 vard\u0131r. Mahremiyet yaln\u0131zca cinselli\u011fin de\u011fil; konu\u015fman\u0131n, susman\u0131n, dokunman\u0131n, tart\u0131\u015fman\u0131n, bar\u0131\u015fman\u0131n ve yaln\u0131zca \u201cbiz\u201d olabilmenin de ko\u015fuludur. Travma sonras\u0131nda ki\u015finin i\u00e7ine \u00e7ekilmesi, s\u00fcrekli tetikte olmas\u0131, \u00f6fkesinin artmas\u0131 ya da duygusal olarak uyu\u015fmas\u0131 partner taraf\u0131ndan \u201cbenden uzakla\u015f\u0131yor\u201d \u015feklinde alg\u0131lanabilir. Di\u011fer partner de kendi y\u00fck\u00fcn\u00fc ta\u015f\u0131yordur. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

B\u00f6ylece bir d\u00f6ng\u00fc olu\u015fabilir: Biri yakla\u015f\u0131r. Di\u011feri geri \u00e7ekilir. Biri daha fazla yakla\u015f\u0131r. Di\u011feri daha fazla uzakla\u015f\u0131r. Sonunda ikisi de ayn\u0131 \u015feyi hisseder: \u201cArt\u0131k beni anlam\u0131yor.\u201d Oysa bazen mesele sevgisizlik de\u011fil, iki ki\u015finin de ayn\u0131 anda kendi ac\u0131s\u0131yla m\u00fccadele ediyor olmas\u0131d\u0131r. Afetlerden sonra s\u0131k duyulan c\u00fcmlelerden biridir: \u201cSen de\u011fi\u015ftin.\u201d Peki afet sonras\u0131nda de\u011fi\u015fen yaln\u0131zca bireyler midir, yoksa ili\u015fkinin kendisi de yeni bir bi\u00e7im mi arar? <\/p>\n\n\n

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Eskiden gelecekle ilgili konu\u015fan ki\u015fi art\u0131k yaln\u0131zca bug\u00fcn\u00fc d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyor olabilir. Eskiden sosyal olan ki\u015fi i\u00e7ine kapanabilir. Eskiden sakin olan ki\u015fi daha \u00f6fkeli olabilir. Eskiden cinselli\u011fe \u00f6nem veren ki\u015fi art\u0131k temasa ihtiya\u00e7 duymayabilir. Bunlar\u0131n baz\u0131lar\u0131 travman\u0131n etkileri olabilir; baz\u0131lar\u0131 ise ki\u015finin hayata, gelece\u011fe ve \u00f6nceliklerine dair ger\u00e7ekten de\u011fi\u015fen ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 yans\u0131tabilir. Ancak de\u011fi\u015fen yaln\u0131zca birey de\u011fildir. \u0130ki insan de\u011fi\u015fti\u011finde, aralar\u0131ndaki ili\u015fki de de\u011fi\u015fir. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Birinin geri \u00e7ekilmesi di\u011ferinin daha fazla yakla\u015fmas\u0131na, di\u011ferinin yakla\u015fmas\u0131 ise ilk ki\u015finin daha fazla uzakla\u015fmas\u0131na yol a\u00e7abilir. B\u00f6ylece ili\u015fki d\u00f6ng\u00fcs\u00fc yeni ko\u015fullar i\u00e7inde farkl\u0131 bir bi\u00e7im alabilir. Bu nedenle mesele yaln\u0131zca \u201cE\u015fim neden de\u011fi\u015fti?\u201d de\u011fildir. Belki daha \u00f6nemli soru \u015fudur: \u201cBiz de\u011fi\u015ftik\u00e7e ili\u015fkimiz nas\u0131l bir h\u00e2l ald\u0131?\u201d \u0130li\u015fkinin s\u00fcrd\u00fcr\u00fclebilirli\u011fi, eski h\u00e2li geri getirmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmaktan \u00e7ok, de\u011fi\u015fen iki insan\u0131n birbirleriyle kurdu\u011fu ili\u015fkiyi yeniden anlamland\u0131rabilmesine ba\u011fl\u0131 olabilir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130yi G\u00fcnde, K\u00f6t\u00fc G\u00fcnde <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Evlilik yeminlerindeki \u201ciyi g\u00fcnde ve k\u00f6t\u00fc g\u00fcnde\u201d ifadesi, birlikte ya\u015fam\u0131n yaln\u0131zca kolay zamanlar\u0131 de\u011fil, zorlay\u0131c\u0131 d\u00f6nemleri de payla\u015fmay\u0131 i\u00e7erir. Afet sonras\u0131nda ise bu s\u00f6z g\u00fcndelik hayat\u0131n somut sorular\u0131yla kar\u015f\u0131la\u015f\u0131r: Kim \u00e7al\u0131\u015facak? Kim \u00e7ocuklarla ilgilenecek? Kim evin d\u00fczenini s\u00fcrd\u00fcrecek? Kim daha fazla sorumluluk alacak? Kim kendi yas\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015farken di\u011ferinin yan\u0131nda olacak? Ge\u00e7ici ya\u015fam alanlar\u0131nda bu sorular daha da g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr h\u00e2le gelebilir. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc al\u0131\u015f\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ya\u015fam d\u00fczeni de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015f, kaynaklar azalm\u0131\u015f, \u00f6zel alan daralm\u0131\u015f ve \u00e7iftlerin birbirinden bekledi\u011fi destek bi\u00e7imleri yeniden \u015fekillenmi\u015ftir. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bazen birinin di\u011ferinden daha fazla ta\u015f\u0131mas\u0131 gerekir. Bazen roller de\u011fi\u015fir. Bazen de iki ki\u015fi ayn\u0131 anda o kadar yorulur ki birbirlerine verebilecekleri destek azal\u0131r. B\u00f6yle zamanlarda ili\u015fki, yaln\u0131zca duygusal yak\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131n de\u011fil, hayat\u0131n y\u00fck\u00fcn\u00fcn nas\u0131l payla\u015f\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n da alan\u0131na d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr. Belki \u201ciyi g\u00fcnde, k\u00f6t\u00fc g\u00fcnde\u201d birlikte olmak; her ko\u015fulda g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc kalmak de\u011fil, iki ki\u015finin de zorland\u0131\u011f\u0131 zamanlarda ili\u015fkinin kendisine nas\u0131l alan a\u00e7\u0131laca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bulabilmektir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Baz\u0131 Sorular Ertelenemez<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Afet sonras\u0131 bo\u015fanmalardan s\u00f6z ederken dikkatli olmak gerekir. \u201cDeprem evlilikleri bitirdi.\u201d demek kolayd\u0131r. Ama ger\u00e7ek bundan daha karma\u015f\u0131kt\u0131r. Hatay\u2019dan Eski\u015fehir\u2019e g\u00f6\u00e7 eden depremzedelerle yap\u0131lan nitel bir \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmada, kat\u0131l\u0131mc\u0131lar deprem sonras\u0131nda ekonomik ve psikolojik bask\u0131lar\u0131n \u00e7iftler aras\u0131ndaki anla\u015fmazl\u0131klar\u0131 art\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131; baz\u0131 durumlarda deprem \u00f6ncesindeki sorunlar\u0131n daha g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr h\u00e2le geldi\u011fini ve bunun bo\u015fanma kararlar\u0131yla ili\u015fkili oldu\u011funu ifade etmi\u015ftir. Bu \u00f6nemli bir ayr\u0131m. Belki de afet baz\u0131 evlilikleri \u201cbitirmedi\u201d. Belki afet, baz\u0131 ili\u015fkilerde uzun zamand\u0131r var olan ama ertelenen sorular\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr h\u00e2le getirdi.<\/em> \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ola\u011fan ya\u015fam\u0131n i\u00e7inde ertelenebilen meseleler, ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc ko\u015fullarda ertelenemez h\u00e2le gelebilir. Bu nedenle ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 yaln\u0131zca ili\u015fkinin ba\u015far\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 olarak g\u00f6rmek de, birlikte kalmay\u0131 otomatik olarak ili\u015fkinin ba\u015far\u0131s\u0131 saymak da do\u011fru olmayabilir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A\u015fk M\u00fcmk\u00fcn m\u00fc H\u00e2l\u00e2? <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n

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Afet sonras\u0131nda hayatta kalmak bir s\u00fcreli\u011fine hayat\u0131n kendisinin \u00f6n\u00fcne ge\u00e7er. Fatura. Konteyner. \u00c7ocuk. \u0130\u015f. Ta\u015f\u0131nma. Sa\u011fl\u0131k. Evraklar. Yeni bir ev. Yeni bir \u015fehir. Ve b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar\u0131n aras\u0131nda a\u015fk nereye s\u0131\u011far? Oysa insan yaln\u0131zca hayatta kalmak i\u00e7in ya\u015famaz. Bir noktada yeniden m\u00fczik dinlemek, g\u00fclmek, bir yere gitmek, birinin elini tutmak ve yeniden yak\u0131nl\u0131k kurmak ister. Do\u011fal afetlerin \u00e7ift ili\u015fkileri \u00fczerindeki etkisini inceleyen \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmalar, afet sonras\u0131nda ili\u015fkinin her zaman yaln\u0131zca k\u00f6t\u00fcle\u015fmedi\u011fini g\u00f6stermektedir. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Baz\u0131 \u00e7iftlerde ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7ta yak\u0131nla\u015fma g\u00f6r\u00fclebilirken, zaman i\u00e7erisinde yeni stres kaynaklar\u0131 ili\u015fkinin yeniden s\u0131nanmas\u0131na yol a\u00e7abilmektedir. Dolay\u0131s\u0131yla afetin ili\u015fki \u00fczerindeki etkisini tek bir kelimeyle a\u00e7\u0131klamak m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fildir. Ne yaln\u0131zca \u201cyak\u0131nla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131r\u201d, ne de yaln\u0131zca \u201cay\u0131r\u0131r.\u201d \u0130li\u015fkinin nas\u0131l etkilenece\u011fi; \u00e7iftin sahip oldu\u011fu kaynaklara, ya\u015fanan stresin niteli\u011fine, sosyal \u00e7evreye, ekonomik ko\u015fullara ve iki ki\u015finin birbirine nas\u0131l e\u015flik etti\u011fine ba\u011fl\u0131 olarak de\u011fi\u015febilir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Birbirine Yeniden Yer A\u00e7mak <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Belki de afet sonras\u0131 bir ili\u015fkinin en \u00f6nemli ihtiyac\u0131, eski h\u00e2line d\u00f6nmek de\u011fildir. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc baz\u0131 \u015feyler eski h\u00e2line d\u00f6nmeyecektir. Ev de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015ftir. \u015eehir de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015ftir. Beden de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015ftir. \u0130nsan de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015ftir. Gelecek tasar\u0131m\u0131 de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015ftir. O h\u00e2lde ili\u015fkinin de de\u011fi\u015fmesine izin vermek gerekir. Belki \u201ceskisi gibi olmak\u201d yerine \u201cyeniden olmak\u201d m\u00fcmk\u00fcnd\u00fcr. Birlikte yeni bir kahvalt\u0131 al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 edinmek. Yeni ya\u015fam alan\u0131nda yaln\u0131zca ikisine ait k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir k\u00f6\u015fe yaratmak. \u00c7ocu\u011fun yan\u0131nda de\u011fil, yaln\u0131zca ikisinin oldu\u011fu k\u0131sa bir zaman yaratmak. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Birbirine ger\u00e7ekten \u201cBug\u00fcn nas\u0131ls\u0131n?\u201d diye sormak. Dokunmadan \u00f6nce izin istemek. Sar\u0131lmak istemeyene k\u0131zmamak. Cinselli\u011fi bir g\u00f6rev olmaktan \u00e7\u0131karmak. Ve belki en \u00f6nemlisi, partnerimizin b\u00fct\u00fcn ac\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 iyile\u015ftirmesini beklememek. Sevgi terapi de\u011fildir. E\u015f terapist de\u011fildir. \u0130li\u015fki travman\u0131n tedavisi de\u011fildir. Ama iyi bir ili\u015fki, insan\u0131n travmayla ba\u015f ederken kendisini tamamen yaln\u0131z hissetmemesini sa\u011flayabilir.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Ayn\u0131 Yast\u0131kta Yas\u2019lanmak ve Toplumsal Cinsiyet Temelli \u00c7\u00f6z\u00fcmleme:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAyn\u0131 yast\u0131kta kocamak\u201d, uzun zamand\u0131r birlikte ya\u015flanman\u0131n ve hayat\u0131 birlikte s\u00fcrd\u00fcrmenin ifadesi. Ama b\u00fcy\u00fck kay\u0131plardan sonra ayn\u0131 yast\u0131k ba\u015fka bir anlam kazanabilir. Art\u0131k mesele yaln\u0131zca birlikte ya\u015flanmak de\u011fildir. Birlikte yas tutabilmek. Ama birbirinin yas\u0131n\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131maya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmadan. Birbirine tutunmak. Ama birbirinin b\u00fct\u00fcn a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00fcstlenmeden. Yak\u0131nla\u015fmak. Ama yak\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir zorunlulu\u011fa d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcrmeden. Birlikte kalmak. Ama kalmay\u0131 her ko\u015fulda erdem saymadan. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Belki afet sonras\u0131 \u00e7ift ili\u015fkilerinin as\u0131l sorusu \u201cA\u015fk\u0131m\u0131z eskisi gibi olacak m\u0131?\u201d de\u011fildir. Daha zor, ama daha ger\u00e7ek bir soru vard\u0131r: \u201cArt\u0131k eskisi gibi de\u011filsek, birbirimizi oldu\u011fumuz h\u00e2limizle sevebilir miyiz?\u201d \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc baz\u0131 ili\u015fkiler kay\u0131plar\u0131n ard\u0131ndan yeniden kurulur. Baz\u0131lar\u0131 d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr. Baz\u0131lar\u0131 biter. Baz\u0131lar\u0131 ise sessizce devam eder; ama art\u0131k ayn\u0131 ili\u015fki de\u011fildir. Ve belki b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar\u0131n i\u00e7inde yas\u2019lanmak, bir ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131rtlanmak de\u011fil; yan yana durabilecek kadar birbirine yer a\u00e7makt\u0131r. Ayn\u0131 yast\u0131kta. Ayn\u0131 hayat\u0131n i\u00e7inde. Ama iki ayr\u0131 insan olarak. Yas\u2019lanarak. <\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kaynak\u00e7a:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bak\u0131r, A., & Do\u011fan, T. (2026). In good days, in \u201cdisaster\u201d days: Grounded theory of couple dynamics post-2023 T\u00fcrkiye earthquake<\/em>. Family Relations, 75(2), 1490\u20131513. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/fare.70114<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boddy, J., Harris, C., O\u2019Leary, P., Hohenhaus, M., Bond, C., Panagiotaros, C., & Holdsworth, L. (2024). Intersections of intimate partner violence and natural disasters: A systematic review of the quantitative evidence. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 25<\/em>(4), 3131\u20133148.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Falconier, M. K., Jackson, J. B., Hilpert, P., & Bodenmann, G. (2015). Dyadic coping and relationship satisfaction: A meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 42<\/em>, 28\u201346.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rusu, P. P., Hilpert, P., & Bodenmann, G. (2020). Stress, dyadic coping, and relationship satisfaction: A longitudinal study disentangling timely stable from yearly fluctuations. PLOS ONE, 15<\/em>(4), e0231078.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

UNDP. (2024). One year after T\u00fcrkiye\u2019s earthquakes, recovery takes many forms<\/em>. United Nations Development Programme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

UNFPA. (2023). T\u00fcrkiye Earthquake Situation Report #6<\/em>. United Nations Population Fund.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

UNFPA. (2024). T\u00fcrkiye Earthquake Response \u2013 Situation Report, 5 February 2024<\/em>. United Nations Population Fund.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Effect of 2023 Mara\u015f and Hatay Earthquakes on Family Structure (The Case of Hatay).<\/em> (2024). Mustafa Kemal University AVES\u0130S.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u200bVandello, J. A., & Bosson, J. K. (2013). Hard-won and easily lost: A review and synthesis of theory and research on precarious manhood. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 14(2), 101\u2013113. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/a0029826<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Yazar: Uzm. Psk. Aylin G\u00fclery\u00fcz Bir \u00e7iftin hik\u00e2yesi \u00e7o\u011fu zaman yaln\u0131zca iki ki\u015finin hik\u00e2yesi de\u011fildir. Bir evin, bir mahallenin, bir kentin, ortak al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131klar\u0131n ve birlikte [\u2026]<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":270452333,"featured_media":8823,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_wpcom_ai_launchpad_first_post":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"[]","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1626,1627],"tags":[1528,1771,1769,1770,1498,1378,1761,1444,1370,1767],"class_list":["post-8821","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-guncel","category-psikoloji","tag-afet","tag-afet-sonrasi-aile","tag-afet-sonrasi-cinsel-yasam","tag-afet-sonrasi-iliskiler","tag-deprem","tag-elestirel-psikoloji","tag-kader-filmi","tag-politik-psikoloji","tag-psikoloji","tag-sel"],"yoast_head":"\nAyn\u0131 Yast\u0131kta Yas\u2019lanmak: Afet sonras\u0131 \u00e7ift ili\u015fkileri<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Bazen kaybedilen, d\u00f6rt duvar\u0131n \u00f6tesinde bir \u015feydir. 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